Signs and Treatment for Relationship OCD (R-OCD)

Are you someone who is constantly thinking about the doubts in your relationship? Do you fear you may fall out of love with your partner? Do you need frequent reassurance? If you resonate with any of these questions, you may be experiencing R-OCD, or relationship OCD. 

The nature of obsessive-compulsive disorder is that it attacks and grips onto the things people care about most– morals, values, relationships, and self-image. OCD thoughts are defined as ego-dystonic because they are against someone’s sense of self and values. This is why this diagnosis can be so distressing because it often feels untrue, and people mistakenly engage with these thoughts. Doing so creates an exhausting, constant fight in their minds to disagree. 

However, R-OCD feels very true to those experiencing these thoughts. For example, someone with relationship OCD experiences:

1. Comparing their relationship to other people’s relationships 

2. Excessively worrying about cheating or finding other people attractive 

3. Wanting to be certain of their feelings for their partner or the future of the relationship 

4. Needing reassurance from their partner but never feeling relief 

5. Ruminating on their partner’s flaws and issues in the relationship 

These topics are often related to doubt about the relationship, compatibility, attraction levels, and other aspects of the relationship. This type of OCD is hard to disengage with because people want complete certainty and control of their relationship– which is pretty impossible. So, how can a therapist help clients disengage with R-OCD thoughts?

1. ERP Therapy 

1. Exposure and Response Prevention Therapy helps clients expose themselves to the discomfort and thoughts about their relationship. A therapist helps guide clients to avoid compulsive behaviors such as preventing reassurance seeking from their partner. 

2. CBT

1. Cognitive Behavioral Therapy helps clients disengage from distressing thoughts. Practicing labeling a thought as OCD, and then disengaging using affirmations such as 

1. “So what OCD?

2. “Ok, sure!”

3. “I’ll worry about this another time.”

3. Medication

1. Medications such as Prozac, Zoloft, and Pristiq are helpful options for clients to reduce the chatter in their brain and aid in the treatment of ERP or CBT. 

4. Involving their partner 

1. Involving a partner in working through relationship OCD can be very beneficial. A partner of someone with OCD can help learn how they may be enabling the reassurance seeking, or how they can provide more empathy by gaining a better understanding of the diagnosis. 

If you are struggling with relationship anxiety or want to learn more, please do not hesitate to reach out and schedule a free 15-minute consult call with one of our therapists to see how we can help!