An Overview on Attachment Styles

Have you ever wondered more about the patterns you have in relationships in your life? Attachment styles categorize the types of ways adults interact and respond in their relationships. Attachment styles are thought to be developed in part based on early-in-life relationships and that those experiences with our caregivers as infants and children influence our patterns in relationships throughout our life going forward. 

There are thought to be four main categories of attachment styles: Secure Attachment, Anxious Attachment, Avoidant Attachment and Disorganized Attachment. An experiment done in 1969, called Strange Situation, played an important role in the development of our understanding of attachment theory. In the Strange Situation experiment babies and their parents were monitored and observed by the researchers. The parents and their babies were playing in a room together and then, per the researcher’s request, the parent would leave and return a little while later. The babies all had very different reactions to their parents leaving and returning, and the researchers were able to categorize the responses into what we now know as the four attachment styles. 

Secure Attachment:  

Securely attached babies would be engaged and feel comfortable playing while their parent was present. The child in this category would sometimes be upset when their parent would leave them, but would always appear happy upon their parent’s return. 

We tend to think of secure attachment as the attachment style to “strive for”. Research shows that people who formed secure attachments as children to their parents (or primary caregivers) are more likely to form healthy relationships in their adult life. Adults with secure attachment are usually very trusting in their relationships, are comfortable expressing their feelings, and needs and show resilience in the face of disappointment. 

Avoidant Attachment:

The avoidant attached babies in the Strange Situation experiment would appear to not engage with their parent while in the room together. When the parent would leave, the child would not react, nor would they react when the parent returned. It is thought that these children’s needs were not met at all or very often by their caregivers. Babies often use crying as a way to signal they need something, and so if the baby has learned they are not going to get what they need, they might not even try to communicate. As adults, those who have an avoidant attachment might not be able to (or willing) to communicate their feelings towards other. Adults with an avoidant attachment style may find that  intimacy might not come easily to them and it can be harder to develop and maintain close relationships. 

Anxious Attachment: 

A third group of children in the experiment would appear distressed when their parents left the room and also when they returned. The children who were anxiously attached were also  hard to comfort these children even after they were reunited with their parent/caregiver. The children in this category are crying and “clingy”. The theory is that these children reacted to this experience in such a way because they were responding to an overall very unpredictable bond with their parents. They are both angry at their parents for leaving (and for being unpredictable) but also know that sometimes they can rely on their parents for comfort so are also seeking that in case it is there. 

As adults, those with anxious attachment might worry a lot if their significant other cares for them, they might feel hesitant to form close relationships because they also experience intense feelings when a relationship does end. People in this category might behave in a “clingy” way with their significant others, need a lot of reassurance, and display fears of abandonment. 

Disorganized Attachment: 

This final group are children who reacted in a way that did not quite fit into any of the other three categories. These babies would react to their parents leaving and returning in a way that seems like a mixture of both an anxious attachment and an avoidant attachment. They would at some moments have no reaction and at other times appear very upset. They also sometimes seemed very confused or even apprehensive. It’s suggested this kind of disorganized attachment comes from experiences of fear or trauma. These children’s bonds with their parents/caregivers were typically more erratic. 

Disorganized attachment is the least common attachment style to develop. Adults with this attachment style struggle with feeling like they need a strong connection with others, but feel unable to open themselves up to it. They can be clingy and yet push people away, reliant on their significant other while also sabotaging the relationship. This can look like a lot of mixed messages and can lead to potentially unhappy relationship dynamics. 

The impact our first bonds as babies can have on our attachment styles can be profound. Not all relationships and their dynamics are necessarily impacted by which attachment style someone develops as a child. Understanding more about what your own attachment style is can help you be more connected to your way of connecting with others. If you’re interested in exploring what your attachment style might be and how it might manifest itself for you, talk therapy can be a wonderful place to start. Get in touch now with Be You Psychotherapy to learn more.