Loneliness in New York City
Loneliness is a feeling that many people experience, especially in New York City. Ironically, in a city packed with almost nine million people many of those millions feel alone. According to the New York City Department of Health and Mental Hygiene, “more than half of New Yorkers report feeling lonely at least some of the time”.
According to a NY Times article, How Loneliness is Damaging Our Health, loneliness affects more than just our emotional wellbeing, it also affects our physical health. When we feel lonely, our brain registers that feeling as being in danger. Evolutionarily, being alone means being more exposed to threats so when we perceive that we are alone our brain activates all the protocol for a dangerous situation: we go into “fight or flight” mode. Our stress hormones skyrocket, our heart starts beating faster, we are on edge. All in response to loneliness. Increased heart rates and an increase in stress hormones is typically damaging for your body over time. We aren’t meant to feel this way and have a physical reaction like this often. But loneliness is persistent and sometimes even chronic. Other studies done by the Centers for Disease Control and Prevention have also shown that loneliness increases “a person’s risk of premature death from all causes, a risk that may rival those of smoking, obesity and physical inactivity” and is associated with “about a 50% increased risk of dementia”.
What is more than half of NYC supposed to do? How can we feel less alone?
Find a Community You Connect To
Community is an intentionally vague word here, because it can mean a bunch of different things. It can be found through religion (join a synagogue or church), through a hobby (take a ceramics class), a sports team (join a soccer team in Prospect Park), an academic endeavor (take a course at a local college) and more. Find something you feel passionate about or connected to. Your vibe attracts your tribe - other like minded people will likely feel passionate about or connected to like things! So spend time where you would like to hang out. Don’t go to concerts to meet people if you dislike concerts. Instead, pick something you enjoy and meet people through that. For instance, if you like to read, join a book club! Or if you like running, find a running group.
Group Therapy
Depending on what is causing your loneliness, participating in group therapy might ease your loneliness. Especially if your loneliness stems from feeling like you are struggling alone, group therapy can be an opportunity for you to be with people who likely understand you and are experiencing similar things. Psychotherapy practices like Be You Psychotherapy facilitate groups with missions of helping “members gain support and community by decreasing loneliness and shame”. Joining a support group or group therapy can help you feel less isolated.
Turning Loneliness into Solitude
Maybe there’s also something to feeling less alone in your loneliness. Knowing that there are many people in the same boat as you, experiencing similar loneliness, makes it less of an isolating experience. Reframe how you might be feeling:I am not alone in my loneliness. There are others trying to remedy their loneliness too. Turn your loneliness into solitude - being alone but not lonely. Loneliness and solitude can look deceptively similar from the outside, a simple way to differentiate the two is that solitude is a positive state whereas loneliness is negative. Solitude is a peaceful state of being alone, that can be rewarding and meaningful. So choose solitude over loneliness, find a satisfying sense of peace and enjoyment in your moments alone.
If you are one of the many people experiencing loneliness in NYC, don’t hesitate to reach out to a therapist at Be You Psychotherapy for individual or group therapy.
