How To Sit With Uncomfortable Emotions

"Sit with your feelings" is a phrase that has become increasingly prevalent in our lives, particularly within the realm of mental health and self-care. Whether it's our therapists gently encouraging it, our fitness instructors incorporating it into their routines, or simply scrolling through our daily dose of Instagram inspiration, the message is clear: "sit with your feelings." But what does this really entail, and more importantly, why is it so important?

In this blog post, we'll explore the significance of sitting with uncomfortable feelings, shedding light on why it's more than just a catchphrase, and how it can positively transform our mental and emotional well-being.

What does it mean to “sit with your feelings?”

The concept of "sitting with your feelings" not only encourages taking the time to process our emotions and delve into their underlying causes but also emphasizes the importance of being fully present with our feelings. This means allowing ourselves to experience even the most uncomfortable or intense emotions without attempting to escape or suppress them.   

Why is it uncomfortable to sit with our feelings?

As humans, we are biologically wired to avoid feeling difficult emotions. Our nervous system acts as a protective shield, steering us away from feelings of pain, discomfort, or sadness. When we feel unsafe or triggered, our natural instinct is to protect ourselves from these emotions, by avoiding, numbing, or suppressing them. This might look like unwinding with a bottle of wine after a taxing day, mindlessly scrolling through social media, burying ourselves in work to escape, eating because we’re stressed or picking seemingly trivial fights with our partners to avoid confronting uncomfortable emotions. While these strategies may temporarily help us avoid intense feelings, they run the risk of evolving into unhealthy coping mechanisms that trap us in a cycle of avoidance and temporary relief.

Why it helps to sit with our feelings.

Our emotions are like messengers sent by our inner selves. They carry stories and insights about ourselves, often containing parts we may have forgotten or unintentionally overlooked. When we sit with our emotions, we provide a safe space from them to simply exist and be heard without judgment. Furthermore, it gives us the opportunity to reconnect with parts of ourselves that might have been forgotten and offers us valuable insights into our desires, boundaries, unmet needs, childhood experiences, and past traumas. Through this process, we begin to dismantle the protective walls we've built around our feelings, ultimately teaching us how to manage and navigate our emotions more effectively.

How to sit with uncomfortable emotions:

Step 1: Identify and label the emotion.

Begin with a deep breath, and consider possible words to articulate what you are feeling. If you find it challenging to pinpoint the right words, use an emotion wheel to help. By attaching a descriptor word to something intangible, it can help it feel more real, with just enough distance to start to observe it.  

Step 2: Locate the emotion in your body.

Turn your attention inward and search for the physical manifestations of this emotion within your body. Does it reside in your chest, a tightness in your throat, or perhaps a knot in your stomach? Identifying the somatic location of the emotion helps you connect the mind and body, facilitating a deeper understanding of your internal state.

Step 3: Accept the emotion

Acknowledge and accept the presence of the emotion. Understand that it is a valid and essential part of your human experience. Through mindful acceptance you can embrace difficult feelings with compassion, awareness, and understanding towards yourself. Resisting or condemning emotions can exacerbate discomfort. Instead, welcome the emotion without judgment, as it’s a natural response to life's complexities.

Step 4: Inquire and investigate.

Try and dive deeper into the purpose and origins of your emotion by asking yourself a series of questions. What would you say to the emotion to make it feel seen, heard, and held? Rate the intensity of this feeling on a scale from 1 to 10, aligning with psychological insights. Reflect on potential triggers and the root causes behind your emotional state. Consider what message this emotion might be conveying, and even visualize it through the lens of color and shape. This exploration will help you develop empathy and gain a profound understanding of your inner experience. It's important to note that this process can sometimes be challenging to undertake alone and may be helpful with the assistance of a trained therapist.

Step 5: Make it feel welcome.

Extend an invitation for these feelings to temporarily inhabit your inner world. Provide the support and space they need to feel truly at home. Invite the emotions to take up temporary residence in you and give them whatever they need to feel welcome. Create a nurturing environment that offers the support and space necessary for these emotions to feel genuinely at ease. This might involve a good cry (or scream), a melancholic drive up the coast, a comforting hug, some alone time, or connecting with a friend.

By following these steps, you can learn to accept and embrace your complex feelings, fostering a more profound connection with your inner self. As uncomfortable as it may be, giving yourself permission to sit down with uncomfortable things, allows them to exist, as well as be heard and comforted. Remember that it's okay to seek professional help when needed, as a trained therapist can offer invaluable guidance on this path to emotional acceptance and understanding. Reach out today and schedule an introduction with one of our Be You therapists today.